Honestly it took a lot to get me to quit and I had to be open and honest about my problems. Not only to the doctors and staff but I had to be honest with myself. I was in denial. I was caught up in the culture and the feelings that drugs gave me. At first I didn't want to stop. I was angry that I got locked up. I was angry at my parents for helping put me there.
The anger clouded my judgement. But once I overcame the anger and started to get clean I began to see how my substance use was negative for me in so many ways. When I was rollin' or trippin' or whatever, I only saw the positives but now I see the negatives and I'm starting to see the old me again. It will never be the same, my brain will always carry the things I've done to it but I'm still starting to feel normal.
Today was amazing. I know it sounds kinda lame, yea I'm doing my school work, yea I'm trying hard, but it makes me feel good to sit down for 2 hours and be able to see that I've done something productive and it feels great. I wanted to drop out. I didn't want to go to school. I thought it was lame. I thought I was a rebel, but I always lived with the guilt of what I was doing to my life when I had so much going for me. I lived in paranoia that I would get caught. Now that paranoia is gone. I have less stress, and I'm starting to make something of my life.
I've stopped hanging around the messed up people who really only cared about how they were seen by others. Whether the stories were bull... or not they lived by drama because they acted this way. It is going to be hard, but if you really want to get sober and stay sober you have to be strong.
To start off, if you want to get sober think of reasons, whether it's for others or yourself. At first I just got sober because I was forced to, I relapsed the day I finished my partial program. But after a few weeks of doing what I was doing I started to think. I thought about how I had the chance to change my life right then and I started getting sober again but not just for the system, not just for my parents, but for me and my future.
One more thing: I'm going to be tested the rest of my life. I'm always going to be a recovering drug abuser and one thing I can't do is make any exceptions. It's only been about 3 months and I got the rest of my life ahead of me, but if I take just one hit or one shot or one beer it's over. These 3 months might as well not have happened.
I'm going to stay totally sober from drugs and booze, probably even after I turn 21. It was a hard decision to make, to get sober, but now I'm starting to think clearer, work harder, and be productive. I'll always have my past and so will you, but you can learn from it in more ways than you might think.
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